How Pet Loss can affect you if you have mental health issues

If you are already living with anxiety, depression, or any other mental health challenge, losing a pet is not just grief. It can feel like the ground has given way entirely.

And yet it is one of the least talked about connections in mental health. This blog is for anyone who has ever sat in a doctor’s waiting room, heartbroken, wondering whether losing their animal is even a valid reason to be struggling. It is. And you are not alone in feeling this way.

Hidden Grief

So many people feel embarrassed about how much they are hurting after losing a pet. There is still a strange, unspoken message in our culture that says animal loss is smaller than other losses. Because of that, people often see their GP for depression, anxiety or sleep problems without ever mentioning the pet they lost.

If that sounds familiar, you are not being dramatic. You are grieving. And you deserve to be able to say so out loud.

The Waiting: Anticipatory Grief

Sometimes the mental health impact starts long before your pet actually passes. When a pet receives a terminal diagnosis or is simply getting very old, many people start grieving immediately. This is called anticipatory grief and it is exhausting.

It means living in a constant state of alert, watching every breath, dreading every vet visit, struggling to think about anything else. If you are already managing a mental health condition, this kind of sustained stress can lead to real burnout, and it is worth acknowledging that rather than pushing through it alone.

Traumatic Loss

When a pet dies suddenly or in frightening circumstances, it is more than sadness. It is a shock to the whole system.

For people who have never experienced clinical anxiety or depression before, a loss like this can sometimes be the thing that triggers it for the first time. The world can suddenly feel unsafe in a way it never did before.

For those already living with a mental health condition, a sudden loss can feel like it has blown a fuse. Symptoms that were under control can resurface. Coping strategies that usually work can stop working overnight. This is not weakness. It is your nervous system responding to something very real.

Why Pet Loss Hits You So Hard When You Are Already Struggling

For many people with anxiety, PTSD, or depression, a pet is not just a companion. They are an anchor.

They are the reason you feel safe enough to sleep.

They give you a reason to get up and go outside.

Their routine becomes your routine, and that structure is everything when your mental health is fragile.

When your pet dies, that anchor disappears. The routine vanishes. The safety net breaks. And sometimes old grief or trauma from years ago can surface alongside the current loss, making everything feel even more intense.

Grief Triggers and Unexpected Waves of Emotion

Losing a pet is not a neat or tidy process. One minute you are getting through the day, and the next something completely small stops you in your tracks. A tennis ball you find under the sofa. Seeing other people with their pets on social media. A familiar smell. A reminder for a vet appointment you never needed. 

These triggers hit hard because they bypass the thinking part of the brain entirely and go straight to your emotional centre. Your body reacts before your mind has even caught up. This is not you going backwards. It is simply how deep the bond went.

Anniversaries and significant dates can also feel very heavy. Your birthday, Valentine’s Day. Their birthday and gotcha day….. Knowing a difficult day is coming and making preparations to get through it in advance can help. It gives you permission to slow down, do less, and use your tools before the wave arrives rather than being caught off guard by it.

Some Simple Techniques That Can Help

These are not about making the grief disappear. They are about giving your body and mind a moment of steadiness when things feel overwhelming.

• Box breathing is one of the simplest. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four, breathe out for four, hold for four. It works because it gently signals to your nervous system that you are safe, which helps lower your heart rate and quieten that shaky, panicked feeling. You can even visualise tracing a box as you breathe if that helps. 

• The long exhale is even simpler. Just make your out breath longer than your in breath, perhaps three counts in and six counts out. A long exhale tells your brain to move out of high alert and brings you back to something more manageable.

• Mindful observation is about changing your relationship with the wave rather than trying to fight it. Instead of panicking because the feeling is there, you simply notice it. You can say to yourself, I am feeling a big wave of sadness right now, and just let it be there without trying to fix it or push it away. Over time, waves that are met this way tend to lose their intensity more quickly.

• Self hypnosis is something I use in my own work and it can be a powerful tool for grief. It is simply a way of deeply relaxing the mind so it becomes more open to calm, helpful thoughts. You close your eyes, take a slow breath, and build a picture of a place where you and your pet were at their happiest. You focus on the sounds, the smells, the warmth of that memory. It gives your brain a safe place to go when a trigger feels like too much.

If you would like to go deeper with any of these techniques, my pet loss guide also includes four additional body based tools specifically for pet grief, including one for the physical heaviness that grief can bring and one to help with restless nights.

On Asking for Help

If you are already seeing a doctor or therapist for your mental health and you have not mentioned your pet loss, please consider doing so. You may feel you need permission. You do not. But if it helps, this blog is it.

If the thoughts keep going round and round, especially guilt and what ifs, and you cannot seem to reason your way out of them, this is something that hypnotherapy can genuinely help with. Working with the mind at a deeper level can help loosen those looping thoughts and bring in something kinder.

A Final Thought

Healing is not about forgetting. It is about finding a way to carry the love without it feeling so unbearable.

If you are struggling right now, whether your loss was recent or a long time ago, please know that what you are feeling makes complete sense. And there is support out there that truly understands.

If you would like one to one support for pet loss grief, including sessions that use hypnotherapy techniques, you can find out more and book here by emailing me: hello@hypnobyemma.com

My guide, Loving and Losing a Pet: One Day at a Time, is also available if you are looking for something to work through at your own pace.

When it feels like too much to handle on your own.